Sharon was a single young lady in the church.  She was in church every time the doors were opened.  She was part of a class of people her age but most of them were beginning to pair off and get married.  It was obvious that she was out of place many times at gatherings being one of the only ones who was not married yet; in fact she was not even dating.  Sharon wanted to be involved other’s lives but it was getting harder and harder for her because she didn’t have a wedding gown to talk about.  She began to think of herself as “single” with no place to belong.

Jane was in her fifties and still single.  She had endured many years of not fitting in with the couples’ classes at church.  What she found was that as she grew older she was becoming friends with women who were divorced or widowed.  However, she did not have a lot in common with them.  She had not lived the same life so she couldn’t relate with some of the things they would talk about.  Jane had not really dated in her lifetime.  She, therefore, had no experience with men with the exception of saying hello in the hallway at church.

Debbie was also single in her thirties.  The one thing she could always count on was the invitation to baby-sit for the couples in her Sunday School class during a fellowship program.  There was an assumption made by her class that she really didn’t want to attend the fellowship.  They didn’t want her to feel left out of the group, so they would ask her to baby-sit for them as part of the fellowship program.

Mary was a divorced single mom.  She wanted to be part of the church but felt judged and out of place in group activities.  Her life was hard as she had to work full time while juggling her children and their needs.  Mary had a need to be with other adults but it was hard to pay sitters to watch her children.  There were so many times she felt like a charity case or a fifth wheel.  The church was trying to help her but didn’t understand all that she faced on a daily basis.

Sharon, Jane, Debbie, and Mary represent single women in our churches today.  They don’t always feel like they belong.  They are identified as single by others in the church.  This identity can become cause for people to feel sorry for them as if being single is some kind of curse.  The people of the church may think of these lovely women as victims.  There are many statements people make concerning those who are single.

“Surely they aren’t complete without a family.”

“A single person can’t possibly be happy.”

“She has a lot of time on her hands because she’s single.”

“I have to set her up with my cousin’s cousin.  I think they’ll hit it off.”

“I’m so sorry for her.  She must be so lonely.”

The truth is the church hasn’t handled single women very well.  There has been such an emphasis on marriage that the single woman can feel left out or less than.  We’ve made “single” an identity.  It becomes the thing that these women are known as until they believe it themselves.

What needs to be different?

We, as part of the church of Jesus Christ, should be focused more on our sister’s identity in Christ than we are on the role God has called her to fulfill.

“For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.”  Romans 12:4-5

The church is one body made up many members.  These members are different from one another.  We all have different gifts given to us by God through His Spirit.  Our identity in Christ doesn’t depend on whether we are married or single but only on Christ’s finished work on the cross.  We are put together within the church so that we can learn from one another and encourage one another.  Our personalities and roles need to be different in order to make a complete body of Christ.  Why is it that we want to put people in a box?  Why do we think everyone needs to be married?  What makes us think that being married gives us more to offer the body of Christ than our single sisters?

Our job is to look at our hearts and evaluate how we view our single sisters.  If we aren’t focusing on their identity in Christ first, then we have a problem which needs to be solved.  We are to be united in Christ not separated by the roles to which God has called us.   Our single sisters have something to offer the body of Christ.  Let’s be part of the solution by, in unity, following Christ together whether married or single.